Oh Mitzi Mitzi

Mitzi has recently reconnected with an old friend, Lisa, from her college days. Lisa is an interior decorator, never married, and convinced that life has better things to offer Mitzi. "So what's going on with your love life? How long since you've had s-e-x?"

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it's nobody's business."

"Do you have any esseyex, Aunt Lisa? Aunt Mabel says my mom needs some."

"Well there you have it. Sounds like we better find her some."

"I'll just find my own, thank you."

"Well, you better get hopping. What about that guy--the detective?"

"He's got a w-i-f-e. "

"I heard she ...l-e-f-t...three years ago."

"True. But you never know when ... people ...might...resurface. I don't need another h-e-a-r-t break."

"You're not still pining over J-a-c-k?"

"Oh, you mean Mr. A-s-s?"

"You are so not o-v-e-r him."

"If we're going to talk about this I need to put you-know-who to b-e-d."

"Can I have some ice cream before you put me to beady?"

"Eat your vegetables and we'll see about that."

"Okey dokey, Emo-em."

"I think the natives are picking up the language."

"Seems that way. How's your pig latin?"

CHAPTER 74: Mitzi Has a Realization

Episode 17: Oh Mitzi Mitzi

It is March 17. Mitzi has put Randi to bed and is getting ready for the Leprechaun Club's after-hours party at the Daily Grind Coffee Shop.

Lisa is staying over to babysit, but she has her terms: "I am only agreeing to do this on condition that you do something totally selfish and a bit reckless tonight. I suggest a little nookie."

"I'm going to work!"

"So what about afterwards? I'll be here all night. Call up that detective guy."

"I don't think so."

"So what's wrong with Columbo, pray tell."

"Well, he's nice, loyal and conscientious..."

"Oh, okay, I see the problem."

"You do?"

"Sure. You're not good enough for him."

"I'm not...?"

"Wait, on second thought, erase that statement. I should have said, he's not bad enough for you."

"Gosh, maybe you're right. I mean, the thought of always being treated well by a man seems so...boring."

"Perfection is a bitch. Some people just need a little mistreatment sometimes."

"Yes, I think I deserve that. And Jack was very good at it. I might even be kind of spoiled."

"Wow, it's all starting to fall into place now. Lisa, you are so insightful! You ought to be a psychiatrist. You're just totally...amazing."

"Sometimes, but I have to put my pants on one leg at a time, like everyone else."
"It's nice to know you're still one of us."