"I'm sorry, Adrian. It just isn't going to work. We just have...different tastes."

"Just because we like different things? Is it that so important to you?"

"Frankly, yes it is. I try to be open minded, but this is too much, even for me."

"Look, if it means that much to you, I can change."

"You would do that for me?"

"Sure. If you don't like preppy, I've got some stretched out t-shirts and holey jeans at home. I can do grunge."

"I didn't mean..."

"What then? You want punk? I've got black vinyl pants and a studded belt."

"Actually, Adrian, it's not how you dress. It's...well, it's the vampire in you."

"Bummer. I was afraid of that."

"Are you sure it's not the mock turtleneck?"

Chapter 58: THE WRONG TYPE

(Episode 13)

"It's like this. We come from different worlds. I like tofu donuts. You like mustard on crackers. I like milk with my meal. You like blood. I'm a fairly well-adjusted Merican teen-ager with a fairly normal background, if you overlook the fact that my mother died mysteriously when I was thirteen and my father took off for the Bahamas to heal his broken heart and we haven't heard from him in over a year."

"You, on the other hand, have a long dark history: a grandfather whose neighbors drove a stake through his heart, a father who spent 10 years in prison for robbing a blood bank, and -- what's most difficult to overlook -- a mother who thinks preservatives are put in your food to keep you from rotting. I like you and all, really I do, but I just don't think I can feel comfortable in a relationship with an immortal non-human blood-glugging dark nocturnal..."

"Hey, Maggie! Fancy running into you here!"


"Oops. Am I interrupting something?"

"No, I was just leaving."

"You can have my chair."

"And oh, by the way. You are so wrong about me."

"I am not immortal."

"Even with the preservatives."


(Episode 13)

"Whoa, your standards have really risen. But I have to tell you, the immortal ones are very hard to find."

"And then they're mostly super-heroes running around in these dorky outfits. I mean, hello? Who chooses their clothes? Do they really think some girl is gonna want to go out to the movies with somebody in tights and a Speedo?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being insensitive, aren't I? Are you okay? Good."

"Now take me, all I ask is that they have two eyes, a nose, two legs...I don't even care what planet they're from, as long as they have all the usual equipment.

"Speaking of which, his seem to be intact. Can I have him if you're done?"

"You don't know what you're asking."

"Oh. He's got baggage, huh? Double darn."

(Chapter 13)

"My, my that was satisfying. That'll teach Adrian to go slumming."

"I'll say. More fun even than turning that meterman into a toad."

"Yeah. How do you get away with that, anyway? Turning people into toads?"

"Whenever I try it, I end up with warts."

"That's because you play with your transmogrifications."

"I can't help it, they're so cute, hopping around inside their meterman and postman hats. Trying to jump into the bathtub with me."

"Hey, I've got a brainstorm. Let's plug up our drains again and get Adrian to come up to the house. We can feed him some of those laced brownies and turn him into a Zombie. Then we'll lure Barbie over to our house by telling her we've discovered an entirely new shade of pink. We'll get her to tell us her secret power spell in exchange for our information, after which we'll have Adrian suck her blood and eat out her brains. Turn her into a brainless bloodless plastic doll, so she'll be good for nothing but a store mannequin. Then she won't pose any threat to our bid for world domination."

"Wow, that's good. Why didn't I think of that?"