CHAPTER 75: CHILDREN OF THE EMERALD ISLE

Episode Eighteen: When Irush Eyes Are Smiling

The Leprechaun Club has taken over the Daily Grind Coffee Shop for their St. Patrick's Day Party. The members have brought hats and shamrocks and that grand thirst for which the Irush are famous.

Mitzi and Sharon are kept busy pouring green beer and champagne. Poor Mitzi's mind is elsewhere, however. She is very confused. Suddenly she's not so sure she really knows who she is. If anyone had asked her "Animal, Vegetable or Mineral?" she might have been hard put to answer.

Sharon gives her odd looks. "Did you just snap at that man? Snapping at people is my job. You're the quiet one that smiles equably at all she meets."

"I'm tired of being equable. I want to ... to..."

"Get laid?"

"Does everyone think that? Is that all it takes to cure every malaise?"

Periodically Mitzi wanders around the room to collect empty glasses and refill chips and pretzels. She cannot help but overhear bits and pieces of scintillating conversations to distract her from her concerns. "

"Gad, listen to those women behind me. If I hear the word 'hot flash' one more time, I'm going to puke. "

"I think I'm getting a bit of a hot flash myself. Isn't green an aphrodisiac?"

"So then we did it and it was like the very first time...which is really something, given that he was the 347th notch on my bedpost."

"So are you going to see him again?"

"Not on your life. Then it would be like the second time, and my expectations are higher than that. No, the high mark has been set, and that's what I have to beat, if it takes me another 347 notches."

"Umm num...must watch weight, must watch weight...on the other hand, these look like they'd taste as good when they come back up as when they go down."

"I absolutely did not tell her she had upstanding boobies...did I?"

"I think the term you used was 'outstanding'."

"Thank you, young man. Say, you look familiar...aren't you the boy who grew up down the street, in the yellow house on the corner?"

"Um...no, that absolutely wasn't me. I would never have eaten my own snot or played with Barbie dolls."

"We can try other positions. Let's not call it quits over that. I've got a book with directions and illustrations for dozens of others. I've been studying."

"Well...maybe...could you wear the leprechaun hat?"

"Hi, Mitzi. This is such a great party. I was just telling Jeff here how I found someone else and I'm moving out tomorrow...and now he's mad because I told him it was all a joke."

"Ha! You guys are such kidders."

Oh, so much everyday drama. So many hang-ups and mix-ups and screw-ups. Mitzi's little life seems very bland in comparison.